#iWill tell you the story of when God called me by name (which was actually my captain america obsession) and that he left a toy captain america at the house that i had just felt like i manifested and that somehow had to do with my obsession with greek mythology and the truth of god after I went running from my anxiety and the gaslighting of my entire universe and fled to Nashville where I was subjected through what I can only describe as some weird fucking drug trips or some very powerful and evil witchcraft (or angelic processing) such as song bowls and astrology and tarot cards and all the things that have since proven themselves as truth in my life as I have had to learn to self-regulate my nervous system of the truth of my reality after being surrounded by lazy narcissists my whole life until I realized they are not narcissists they are just not awake and they seem to like to remember me for who i was instead of who i could be and no one seems particularly interested in working very hard and that in my journey to do that i fled to the first thing that came back to me in the abyss which was the startup i always wanted and never had and the friends that I never had and in doing so i kept observing that my reality was being extremely responsive to me… and this responsiveness seemed to directly correlate to whatever I seemed to think about… a power that i had observed in small ways in myself for sometime but then i decided to put all of my eggs in the basket so they say and i decided to believe in something and i worked around day and night to make it happen and ultimately it didn’t happen and i was so heart broken and dream broken and tired of fighting with my then partner now wife and feeling bad about how long i worked no matter how much money i ever made it seems as though everyone would prefer me to lift heavy things and pretend that I am interested in another one of their selfish stories or requests for more of my money that seems to come so easily to me and has seemed to instead be a curse instead of a blessing as i stare into the barrel of a second divorce and another round of convincing the love of my life that I will take care of her until she no longer requires it of me because she does not have a family to fall back on like I do and i hope that someday when she finally deals with her childhood trauma she will realize that me getting angry at her behavior that we are going to “move on from” but somehow focus on the mean things i wrote in my journal to myself that it was probably time that i start to protect myself as I have made it very loud and clear what i believe is truth in this universe and in my heart and that is I better start giving Jesus the full credit for all the magic shit that is happening in my life before the evil energies of the universe strike again like they did last time I went to run from them and all of the women i know came after me as opposed to holding space for me like Elizabeth did for me today at the 10:15 service because yes I needed to cry and i needed to fucking WEEP at the fact that once again god was confirming me AGAIN that the world is designed for me AGAIN and that no matter what I do I cannot get away from my truth and that is that a dove of electric energy came down on me when i was in nashville and when i came to I can only describe it as some kind of purgatory like mirror dimension where everyone acts like the people from Wall-E instead of having any conscious intention to make the world an ACTUAL better place which god or satan or whatever i met in the virgin hotel in Nashville made it very clear that it was my obligation to make the world a better place so i decided i better start with myself like michael jackson said about man in the mirror and that indeed the subjects, emotions, and even story lines that I invented in my mind repeatedly and “conveniently” showing up to remind me that #iam #ielshaddai and that I am responsible for generating the #christ light to the universe before the flood comes because this world is clearly not moving in a good direction if you know what i’m saying and so while i’m closing on my condo in nashville to try to calm down from my extremely toxic relationship I ended up getting paranoid due to severe lack of sleep and dehydration and I was worried my loyal and loving and faithful partner was actually not and had actually been lying to me for years, characteristic of someone who has been raised by a narcissist and psyziofranic and was actually the opposite of my dream woman and for some reason the paranoia of that moment made the front desk at my condo think i was suicidal or something and we won’t talk to much about how demonic it felt when that old haggard security guard bent down over me and like an evil witch claimed “I am responsible for you now” and in doing that she called the firefighters who ended up breaking down my door because honestly i think they got annoyed with me arguing with them about the nature of reality and god and they absolutely violated my rights as I was not a danger to anyone especially myself but instead of letting me sleep like I asked them too leave me alone and just let me sleep they broke the door down and forced me into straight jacket even though all of them seemed to know every song from hillsong united that I put on so that I would have courage as I was imprisoned for the first time for my spiritual beliefs that continue to be confirmed on a daily basis and when i got to the clinic i basically was trying to mock the fact that I was the center of my projected reality and it was right around that time that a tiny beam of light opened near the ceiling similar to a spot light however this spotlight was in the shape of an electric dove which looked a lot like the twitter logo which was ironic because i had just started tweeting a few days previous when i decided to take my lucid dream to its ultimate conclusion that you can become a better and better version of yourself by doing “the work” but unfortunately that means you become like god and that is very confusing when you become like god because you start to think you are god and you actually are at the center of a mirror dimension created by computer programs or a god who didn’t want to get too personally involved but turns out he is again proven himself to be absolutely personalized to me in the present moment as he once again spoke directly to me today through the voice of my favorite earthly man Pastor Doug from Red Rocks church about how to become like christ and how to live like you are in heaven now and creating the heaven of tomorrow and that it is our personal burden to do this as is the calling of the christ and it was as though every moment of that sermon was a stream of consciousness of jesus shouting at me through the voice of doug as every thing he said was more relevant to me than i can possibly imagine or explain even now even though my humble inner child likes to pretend that god has not said the same thing to me over and over and over and over and i cannot escape it even though the very message is the one i cannot utter lest it be blasphemy of my childhood faith or the narcissism of a failed consumerist society who thinks doing yoga and being nice is christ like and I would say no i’m pretty sure being christ like is when you are so positive that you are the christ that angels and demons actually manifest immediately and you can pawn this off on pot or coincidence but i think i’ll fully accept this is a demonic attack upon me which as i have stepped into my truth in the belief of christ i have not stopped manifesting a continual dark experience with my wife that we desperately cling to each other while we try to reconcile our diverging realities and therefore as i walked into church today by myself god yelled at me for about an hour even to the point of identifying what i was wearing (captain America shirt at church… of course it was) and it was 10000% god speaking to me and it was the only voice that can shame me. The voice from the bush and he came after me today that is for sure and now i have to figure out what i’m going to do about it because elizabeth prayed the best prayer I’ve ever had prayed over me today and instead of my wife being happy about that and that i feel so honored to be called by the god of abraham and joshua and moses and david and solomon and especially jesus even though i can’t tell anyone what god actually said to me because he told me that #iam special #messiah and the proof he keeps showing me is captain america who is the closest projection of a good man in 2024 I can come up with because this world is completely fallen and the devil is in full control and I am literally putting out into public that I am the special #messiah according to Jesus who came to me after I called for him from the shower in a drunken fight in Mexico and the next time i probably screamed was when that light came down upon me at the hospital and so now I get to sit here and write and process integration of a life of a failed entrepreneur and father, kind of a selfish dick to be honest, but to be fair not because he didn’t like people he just didn’t have a lot remaining empathy after sitting for years listening to his son’s damaged airway and still somehow having to do his own laundry even though he has to pay all the bills and stay up all night with a son with a tracheostomy to make sure he doesn’t basically die again like he did the night his nurse drowned him and he ridiculously tried to give his son’s lifeless corpse cpr even though he clearly looked dead with his eyes rolled up in the back of his head and probably pretty much since then i’ve probably had a little bit of a disconnect when people try to get me to care about one of their stories and I’ve tried and I’ve tried but I just can’t care about consumerism and politics and technology and even religion and any other pettiness that is anything other than acknowledging the great and immediate response of the universe when I journey into or out of the desert of temptation and i hope that god forgives me someday for writing what i did about my relationship with the christ consciousness and the arrogance and the audacity that i would claim the same power that raised lazarus and parted the sea and now I’ve tapped it a few times and it is fucking terrifying when you create your own miracles as it makes it feel as though you are the god rather than the vessel and I’m so so sorry god I’m sorry i ever claimed to be anything other than the vessel of the truth which is the only name i know you by anymore.
8 min readJun 2, 2024
